So there

Apr. 11th, 2012 01:01 am
alyssa_bethancourt: (realistic)
[personal profile] alyssa_bethancourt

I know I'm a little old to still be getting to know myself, but I just had a realization.

Chose not to attend a social activity at which I was expected tonight.  I had reasons.  Legitimate ones.  I could have given advance notice that I planned not to show, like a reasonable person would have, but I didn't.  I even know that I should have.  Even telling myself that, I have to admit that if I could go back and do it again, I still wouldn't have.  There doesn't seem to be any good reason for that kind of cussedness.

So I realized, I just really, really don't like having to justify myself.  I don't like the idea of other people trying to talk me out of, or into, my decisions, and if you give them any lead time they will.  I don't like them feeling like they have the right to do this, or like I have an obligation to let them.  There's an implication that I haven't already thought things through and come to my decisions deliberately.  I find it disrespectful on a very deep, basic level.

And I mean, I know that even this is an unreasonable attitude.  That it makes me intractable, and impossible to share a planet with.  But that won't change me.  I'm just an arrogant dick and I don't feel like I should have to justify myself to anyone.

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Alyssa Marie Bethancourt

May 2013

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